Unless

It's been a crazy coaster of emotion for this Miniature Muse over the past few days. Who am I kidding, it's been TWO YEARS since I decided that the Peace Corps would be my (albeit unpaved) path- this roller coaster is bumping and zigging and zagging towards the finish line. I hope.

I've been able to spend some time with my family this weekend, both nuclear and extended, and boy does that add to the ups and downs. Only family can emit tears of sadness and laughter simultaneously.

What has really prompted me to write today is the family outing we just returned from. My favorite book by Dr. Seuss, The Lorax, was recently turned into an animated movie which I was determined to see before I left the country. Amidst the last minute shopping, family dinners and re-re-re...repacking, my family accompanied me to see this film- a fantastically embellished version of the book, adding time and characters to the story. Overwhelmingly, the character who wanted trees the most was named Audrey... and of course everyone pronounced it exactly as I pronounce my given name (ahh-dree).

The movie itself was quite good, along the lines of Wal-e, feel good chills and giggles throughout. But as I sat there, watching the final musical number, wearing dopey 3D glasses and sitting between my dad and my sister, words came onto the screen- a quote from the good Doctor and the Once-ler himself:

'Unless someone cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.'

Que waterworks.

THIS is why I am leaving. THIS is why I am the person I am today. Not because of the words themselves -I honestly read the book for the first time in high school- but because I TRULY and DEEPLY care, a whole awful lot. And I have since I could look out a window and lay in the grass.

And so my friends, I pump the brake on this roller coaster.

I puff out my chest and I own myself.

I am heading into an unknown abyss on the CONVICTION that things must get better.

That people can live with respect and in harmony with the Earth that supports mankind as well as countless other living organisms that live their lives while ADDING TO OURS.

So I leave you with words from the cinematic Once-ler:

A seed...It's not about what it is. It's about what it can become.

Welcome!

Hello, Hello!

Welcome to my blog! Anything written before this was exactly as my blurb says, generally nonsensical creative thought.

NOW however, we have a focus, a purpose, a path to follow. This path will take me to the wonderful island of Jamaica, mon. I will be serving as a Green Initiative volunteer, which is an umbrella program for many, many possibilities that I have yet to unearth. Until then, this is what I know:

I will be leaving for staging in Atlanta, GA on 3/13 and arriving in Kingston, Jamaica on 3/14.

I will be training in technical, cultural, safety and language skills for the next 3 months, during which time I'll be learning with my program group and living with a host family.

On my birthday, May 18th 2012, I will be sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV here on out).

Until then, I will be updating this blog, as well as my Facebook, which is linked to the photo above this post (ie: click on the photo grandparents). I have a dropbox account as well which can be accessed via my email: Adriana.beltrani@gmail.com. From dropbox you can send me documents and MUSIC which I can access from any internet source :)

Please send me e-mails and letters! (once I have an address) I can assure you that I will/do miss you ALL very much and any correspondence from you will brighten my day.

Peace, love and happiness to you all <3

Sadhana New Year

Magic.
We prepare with flowing cloth, leaves of all size, flowers in our hair
We congregate, laugh, share, Main Hut glows with warm artificial light
The gong rings, we wait, expectant
We line up, one behind the other, hands to shoulders, lit by the full moon- silver light illuminates bodies snaking ahead and behind
bodies covered in mother earth, her wild children

we proceed, chanting:
"the earth is my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit"
The sand shines by the full moon, candles nestle along the path.

Screeches!
Wild Things!
Humans? Nature? Animals? ALL!
We smile, laugh, play, hands on shoulders. A Procession through a young forest.

A curtain of leafy branches, beyond a field of shimmering sand, bathed by the moon, glowing with a bonfire.
We are cleansed with incense, receive a flower, a passion fruit.
Drums beat, music pulses, crowd grows, energy rises!

I DANCE

Arms outstretched, whirling, twirling, big steps with toes sinking into the soft sand.
My Hair, my clothes, loose around me, dance with me

I am wild! I am overflowing! Energy from my toes, to my fingertips
Hours pass, I dance, I sit
by the fire, in the shadows, with the others, upon the bank.
moon, stars, sand, flames
This is the end, the old year
We circle, hold hands, we Ohm
30 minutes we sing, we harmonize, we create dissonance, the pulse rises and falls.
Some sit, some meditate, and then

The New Year

dancing again, laying in the sand, watching the moon, feeling cleansed
2010 holds untold promise in this land of spirit and unity.

conflict

its amazing the impulses we have when our livelihoods are threatened, it's amazing how this impulse changes us, makes us angry and entitled to some degree of justice. Generalizations, accusations, one sidedness. how does one react when a neighbor threatens ones livelihood? how does one be a responsible and rational individual: objective, level headed and empathetic.

personal safety and the future of another human being. balanced on a moral fulcrum.

Pride

Being wronged

chest tight, eyes squint
jaws clench
smile reverses
for days...
weeks...
months...

Drop it, let it go, walk away
face shadows, tears well
a story with no ending
blank pages follow a happy moment
wrong, unfair

heart flutters loudly
ribs swell
disrespected
ignored

unanswered questions
unquestioned answers
a less than hopeful ellipsis
only pride can end

Bruises

Arms wrapped around me
warmth, constricting and wonderful
Smile beams at me
comfort, don't ask why
Happiness is found, no more, no less
I like it, he likes it
Not enough.
He doesn't know the depths of my empathy

prisoner of his thoughts

prisoner of my past.

Freedom begins with a kiss
don't ask why, don't prod
never prod.

The appreciation of being lost
the fear of not being found
the beauty of vulnerability

Singing

Swirling, swirling
charming, charming
dimples, bubbles, graciousness i whirl
happy of a full house and smiling faces
i whirl
i move, i sit, i chat, always chat
hearty, endearing laughter and antics
i whirl

with trepidation

whirl, whirl sit
they come to me, they share with me
new friendship
chatter, passing, sharing, music.

song.

harmony.

my room, my song, my zone
i stay still, i let go

swell, lurch, feel
beating in my chest, flowing out, ripping from my heart
interested stares
he sings, i sing
i sit still
all but my face, ripped from ear to ear in joyful smiles
as music, tension, erupts

emotion: happiness, remorse, awareness, excitement
they stare
music ends
they clap, they smile surprised
i sit back, i shiver, i whirl

exhausted, amazed: in utopia.