Sadhana New Year

Magic.
We prepare with flowing cloth, leaves of all size, flowers in our hair
We congregate, laugh, share, Main Hut glows with warm artificial light
The gong rings, we wait, expectant
We line up, one behind the other, hands to shoulders, lit by the full moon- silver light illuminates bodies snaking ahead and behind
bodies covered in mother earth, her wild children

we proceed, chanting:
"the earth is my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit"
The sand shines by the full moon, candles nestle along the path.

Screeches!
Wild Things!
Humans? Nature? Animals? ALL!
We smile, laugh, play, hands on shoulders. A Procession through a young forest.

A curtain of leafy branches, beyond a field of shimmering sand, bathed by the moon, glowing with a bonfire.
We are cleansed with incense, receive a flower, a passion fruit.
Drums beat, music pulses, crowd grows, energy rises!

I DANCE

Arms outstretched, whirling, twirling, big steps with toes sinking into the soft sand.
My Hair, my clothes, loose around me, dance with me

I am wild! I am overflowing! Energy from my toes, to my fingertips
Hours pass, I dance, I sit
by the fire, in the shadows, with the others, upon the bank.
moon, stars, sand, flames
This is the end, the old year
We circle, hold hands, we Ohm
30 minutes we sing, we harmonize, we create dissonance, the pulse rises and falls.
Some sit, some meditate, and then

The New Year

dancing again, laying in the sand, watching the moon, feeling cleansed
2010 holds untold promise in this land of spirit and unity.

conflict

its amazing the impulses we have when our livelihoods are threatened, it's amazing how this impulse changes us, makes us angry and entitled to some degree of justice. Generalizations, accusations, one sidedness. how does one react when a neighbor threatens ones livelihood? how does one be a responsible and rational individual: objective, level headed and empathetic.

personal safety and the future of another human being. balanced on a moral fulcrum.

Pride

Being wronged

chest tight, eyes squint
jaws clench
smile reverses
for days...
weeks...
months...

Drop it, let it go, walk away
face shadows, tears well
a story with no ending
blank pages follow a happy moment
wrong, unfair

heart flutters loudly
ribs swell
disrespected
ignored

unanswered questions
unquestioned answers
a less than hopeful ellipsis
only pride can end

Bruises

Arms wrapped around me
warmth, constricting and wonderful
Smile beams at me
comfort, don't ask why
Happiness is found, no more, no less
I like it, he likes it
Not enough.
He doesn't know the depths of my empathy

prisoner of his thoughts

prisoner of my past.

Freedom begins with a kiss
don't ask why, don't prod
never prod.

The appreciation of being lost
the fear of not being found
the beauty of vulnerability

Singing

Swirling, swirling
charming, charming
dimples, bubbles, graciousness i whirl
happy of a full house and smiling faces
i whirl
i move, i sit, i chat, always chat
hearty, endearing laughter and antics
i whirl

with trepidation

whirl, whirl sit
they come to me, they share with me
new friendship
chatter, passing, sharing, music.

song.

harmony.

my room, my song, my zone
i stay still, i let go

swell, lurch, feel
beating in my chest, flowing out, ripping from my heart
interested stares
he sings, i sing
i sit still
all but my face, ripped from ear to ear in joyful smiles
as music, tension, erupts

emotion: happiness, remorse, awareness, excitement
they stare
music ends
they clap, they smile surprised
i sit back, i shiver, i whirl

exhausted, amazed: in utopia.

Finding It

I'm content, I'm ready
I have a purpose, a meaning
There are even silver linings in the rainy days
I've got horses, and music, autumn, friends, reasons not to be lazy, hope and confidence

Horses:

The wind is howling, the sun is shining, the leaves are flitting about, autumnal butterflies.
The leather and hay smell whirls about my head, I move with purpose about my chores

A job I can do
pick the hooves, brush the coat, kiss the nose
get on.

He's a big gray thoroughbred, a year off the track, I think big so he thinks I'm big

The wind blows around us, his mane catches in it, his ears perk to it, his steps move to follow it while the other horses, free in their pastures snort and run with the leafy gusts, kicking their heels and stretching their necks with noses flared, challenging the oncoming cold

A plastic green chair gets caught up and tumbles through our path
He tenses and springs, head high, eyes wide
and me
planted on his back, big.
I feel his power and his trust as he leaps in fear. I sing "easy, woah", His ears turn back to me, I tighten the reigns, he lowers his head, I sit tall and unmoving, he slows and stops, breathing heavily, walking on slowly, my hand on his neck my voice praising him
never a dull moment

Romance Driving

He liked when I drove

Something about the way I moved the pedal, staying a consistent 75 through the scenery.

I also think because in 5th, I could put my hand on his leg. When playing with gears, my hand does not waver beyond the console as his does.

In the passenger seat he’d roll splifs and deal with the whole ipod thing

When his hand was idle, it was on my leg, or cupped around the back of my neck. A habit from high school we couldn’t seem to break.

I always looked straight ahead but I always smiled.

We talked, often I listened, looking forward and nodding, my hand on his knee, sometimes in my lap to be alone.

We were silent, discovering and rediscovering music, smiling at the same parts, noticing the same details

Pensive eyes out the window, noticing the same things, sharing them only sometimes.
I think he liked when I drove off the exit

Banking the turn, excited with the acceleration, loving my car, humming in its old car voice, rattling just a little, enough to make it feel worn in

His hand brushed the hair out of my face, now I could see his smile peer at me.

I told him once that I had more mistakes to make before jumping in.

He couldn’t wait and I couldn’t wait.

Now he keeps his hand on my knee, and his smile peering, while I drive down the road, making mistakes.