Know Thyself

If you don’t know who you are before you join the Peace Corps…don’t join Peace Corps. This experience gives even the most secure individual periodic moments of identity crisis, I promise. That’s not to say I have not learned a lot about myself since beginning this experience: limits, “flaws”, and hidden strengths, but if I didn’t have the conviction to stick to myself and maintain the little quirks that make me, me, I’d have drifted off into the abyss long ago. Perhaps this is relevant to all of life, and I know it’s relevant to Peace Corps in all countries, but in Jamaica I find this the truth almost every single day. It’s something about the perception of Americans that is so internalized by some people here, and the confusion when we do not fit that mold:

No, my shoes are not always clean like new; Yes, I drink out of reused pickle jars; Batti riders will never look good on me, “sexy” is just not my look- nor are neon colors; I don’t wear brand names because I can’t afford them; Oh you like my shirt? $3 at Salvation Army yo!; No, I use a capful of olive oil not a pan full of vegetable oil- trust me on this one.

Perhaps it is simply the confusion of a reality tested, or perhaps it’s the need to demonstrate a greater knowledge to the big bag American- honestly, it’s probably both, among other things, but Jamaicans love to tell you how to do things “the right way”. If you don’t know and respect yourself, you’ll be forever unsure, and struggling with your identity is the least productive thing to do in the Peace Corps. Or, let me rephrase, maintaining your identity will become the strongest stabilizer you have.

In maintaining my identity, I found something that many volunteers my age have been finding: a reborn level of patriotism that had been worn down from years of education and scrutiny. I remember telling people before I left that I was becoming too cynical of my country, that perhaps moving to a developing country for a while would remind me of America’s unique beauty and I’d feel blessed to come home. It has.

When my community members ask me if my friend of Mexican decent is my sister, when they ask me what people believe in in Foreign, when they ask me how the weather is in Foreign, I truly appreciate the diversity and scope of my experiences just living on the gigantic land mass I call home. A place where being different is to be unique, judging others is a waste of precious time, enjoying nature is a hobby and a mosque, church and temple can all be found on the same block. Yes there is adversity and differences in opinion, but at least in New York, that guy walking down the street with purple hair and dark eyeliner is just a guy walking down the street.

So, before you leave the country, pick out all of the things you love about yourself, pack them in your suitcase and wear them proudly. Know that by wearing those wonderful things, you will invite curiosity that is unfortunately veiled in light criticism, and take those moments as teaching moments. This is Jamaica my friends, a tough shell filled with soft goodness. As a friend once said, love her and she’ll love you right back.