Aligning the Stars

Speak your mind,

Even if your voice shakes.

- Maggie Smith

I bet you’re all wondering what exactly it is that I DO here besides cooking ackee, saving my dog from poisoning and going to parties. I really don’t do any of those things with any sort of regularity… nor to I do “work” in the traditional sense (with any sort of regularity). To be truthful, regularity is not a “thing” in my life here, unless it’s the feeling of “what to doo, what to doo” which is quite predictable.

Often in Jamaica it feels like the only person who has any respect for the time you give, is you. And sometimes, to get work done, the stars simply must align. One cannot attempt to do community development work alone, but unfortunately with the aforementioned time discrepancy, this is often how it feels. Like you alone are trying, and failing, over and over again, because the events or activities you scheduled keep falling through, and the community you need to get work done is just not available. There are plenty of reasons for the stars to not align: rain, power outages, school year induced poverty, death, sickness, understaffed schools. These are my foes.

And so, I have gone weeks, months even, with only a faint shred of “progress” and hardly enough activity to quell my eager mind. And even though it is my foes and not exactly my people who are dropping the ball, I retreat to the comfort of my own mind, my own yard and inadvertently shut the door. This is when I entertain myself with blogs about ackee.

After weeks of feeling peripheral and useless, I look up and realize what a terribly deep depression-hole I’ve dug myself with only me, my brain and some self-pity. Oh good lord girl, “Get up, Stand up!”

Suddenly the stars are aligned once more and my weekly planner is finally filled with opportunity! The 4H club meets for the first time and we start the raised bed school garden I’d been attempting for the entire month before. A funding opportunity approaches the farmers group and now I have a proposal to write so that our demonstration plot can finally be decked out with a tool shed, real fencing, a water irrigation and harvest system and a shade house. Yes this is solitary work. But it’s work and I’ll take it.

Because I’m finally coming to the school for 4H, I schedule weekly class time with some other teachers. Of course this happens the week before mid-term break, so I haven't actually HAD a class yet. But the seed lesson is planned and ready, because of all the free space my days have to offer.

Finally, FINALLY, I ran a successful farmers meeting in Shady Grove, the farthest and hardest to reach district in Beeston Spring. I’ve had this demographic pinpointed for months, but it’s a tricky one to approach since it’s mostly young men my own age who are either just as intimidated by me as I am of them, or not intimidated at all and therefore quite openly distracted by my boobies and poom-poom, in a casual setting. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t get guidance, just the opposite: most people farm in this district, and no one is making a living. In a meeting setting, I felt more confident that I could address these men in a professional and respectable manner.

After the meeting, everyone went home with home-made organic bug spray in empty soda bottles, which I demonstrated how to make, cooking show style. Attentive and interested questions were asked and I hope some inspiration was imparted. The meeting proved to me that there are still people in Beeston Spring who are motivated and willing to participate in order to better their lives.

I found the opening quote on the internet yesterday after the Shady Grove meeting and a very stressful 24 hours, and I thought it rang startlingly true. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, it’s nearly impossible to stand up and speak up, especially being the proud little creature I am, I hate to seek help, or admit that I need it. When you’re feeling let down by the people who should be supporting you, that’s when it’s time to square your shoulders, slow your breathing and say something. I can’t stress that enough. If passion is what drives you, only the first few words will shake.