Sometimes I think, “Poor Jamaica, her reputation precedes her and it’s not always a good one”. In my last entry I wrote briefly about how I see tourists and I’d like to make a small disclaimer. Tourists are told things about Jamaica that are generalizations meant to keep them “safe”, but we as Peace Corps Volunteers, particularly as women, were told similar things coming into the country.
Tourists though, do not have the benefit of realizing what is true and what is a generalization, for they are here for only a short while and are rarely without a chaperone or beyond the “safe” part of town. We as PCV’s get a unique opportunity to quell the rumors, big up the reputation and truly understand the method behind the madness that is Jamaica.
When I came to Jamaica I wasn’t sure I’d make friends, I was sure everyone would see me as a child, that I was in for a lonely next two years. Sometimes I still think that, with one exception.
I remember in training the women would get heaps and heaps of advice regarding how to handle men. The general consensus in these conversations went something like “men are dogs, handle with humor”. I was sure I’d never be able to trust a single one enough to be friends, let alone date. The girls from previous groups with Jamaican boyfriends would nod fervently to the advice while giving their own, always with a quick “most of them” thrown in. Now I get it.
If you read this as often as I write it, you’ll remember that my “welcome to Beeston Spring” party involved a one man welcome and pledge for my safety on behalf of the football team. And “pleasant conversation” afterwards. 7 months later, that same man calls me at night for things like:
“baby are you asleep? I don’t have much credit but look out the window, there’s a rainbow around the moon”
I’m not saying that all or even most men in this country are to be trusted. It’s true that most men will cheat on their women, many will want to “spread their seed” and so will jump at the opportunity to get with a white woman, many don’t know how to talk to a woman like a person, most don’t know how to even approach a white (American) woman appropriately, most will cat-call and act a fool, especially around their friends, and the male machismo is stronger than any American frat house could achieve, but most of all, very few believe in “the complete package” and I think that is the fundamental difference between the American ideal of love and the view of love in Jamaica.
Not to make a generalization about American ideals- they are so very diverse- but simply to say that most Americans value having one partner at a time. Whether that partner is for life or simply fits right now doesn’t matter at a young age- that person is a lover, friend and confidant, and free time is spent with that person in either a social or personal setting, because you are enough for your partner, and vice versa.
The complete package is hard to find in rural Jamaica. Like, very, very hard to find. Add the prevalence of the whole teen pregnancy, “baby daddy” and “baby momma” connection, the low graduation rate from high schools and the propensity for rural students to struggle in school, especially in English subjects and it’s almost impossible to widen a worldview enough to accept the idea of “the complete package”, or for people to respect themselves enough to be one. In America, Love IS finding one’s complete package, Jamaicans tend to “love” the woman or man they go home to but have their sexual or intimate desires fulfilled by someone else.
A few months ago I asked a trusted female friend how she knows when a man is safe to date. She gave me a quiet smile and waved her phone by her head. “Talk only, and if they are still interested after a few months, they are probably for real.” Mek sense enough fi mi!
So how did I end up finding a complete package in my rural community choc’ full o’ “typical Jamaican men”? A lot of luck, even more patience (I’m sure none of you ladies have gone on 6 months worth of “dates” with a man before calling him your boyfriend or holding his hand in public), vigilance, self assurance and a little detective work (‘10 out of 10 people surveyed answered “yes” to “is he a good person?”’…in a small community stuff like that is notable) and also, did I mention luck?
And now is the point where I knock on wood before I swallow my words.
ps- meet Poppy Seed, so named for her reddish tint and tiny stature:
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